It's funny what stands out when you look back at things. Things that happened prior to this. Before our new normal. Before a mystery illness took my son's life and turned it on his head.
He was an adventurous and smart little boy. Though he had many social-emotional issues, he was a pretty happy boy. He loved to laugh and smile. He loved to just be happy. He found his own happy!
But not only that. He was compassionate. Which is hard for a person suffering from social-emotional problems. He loved helping. But he could tell when someone was struggling like him. Maybe not in the same way, but still struggling.
The first day of school he showed that! I took him to school scared at how it would go. He doesn't do change well. He likes his routine, so how would the switch from our routine to the new routine go. I also worried about him being gone all day. How would he do with the expectations, the social situations and so forth. We walked into his class and he stood in the back with me. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He took it all in. He watched. He learned what the expectations were going to be. How to "fit" in.
You see, one of John-Douglas's things is that he monitors things and then fits into the mold, so he doesn't stand out. At this time, he could see what the kids were doing and adjusted into the role of being a kid. When we were in the hospital, he saw mainly adults and doctors, so he quickly became a mini-doctor/adult and used words that no 5 year old should know or use. But that was what his environment was teaching him.
But back to that day in September 2014. (Yes, a short month before!) Watching JD, he saw what other kids were doing. But he also noticed the little boy hugging his mother's leg. He looked at me and looked back. He knew the little boy from his Pre-K class the year before. He was puzzled for a minute.
"Mommy, Anthony is upset? I think he's scared?"
"You are probably right baby. This is scary for many kids. It's different."
He let that set in!
"Mommy, I'm going to go talk to him!"
I didn't stop him. I watched! My little boy that has his own internal turmoils on these situations saw an instant that someone was having a harder time then he was.
But what happened next, I see over and over. That little boy, let go of his mother's leg.
Her eyes met mine.
Relief!
She had been just as scared as I had been about sending her little boy to school! She was just as timid and unsure of how her son would do in this new setting, new classroom, and new exception. Both boys came from a class of 6, to a class of 20. A whole new world.
I smiled realizing what my
little big boy had done! He had taken away his own issues and put another's needs first!
In the end, that little boy let his mom and dad leave. While parents started filing out of the classroom, I heard in that oh so familiar voice. "Why don't you sit next to me Anthony?" And I ducked out of the classroom before he could see the tears. Not tears because I was scared for him. Not tears because he was struggling.
No. These were tears of pride! Tears at how much my baby had grown!
I think the best part of this came on the day that JD got to visit with his class for about 20 minutes prior to returning to school. This same boy scooted right up next to JD to talk books. It was like they never had been separated. And that same look of relief that JD's presence had installed in that boy so long ago, was there again. But this time, JD took this opportunity to not focus on his own faults, but to be the same little boy he had been before! His friend he had helped before, was returning the favor to help him!
Another time that comes to mind and seems to replay often. Almost as if someone was trying to tell me something was going to happen, before we knew it. A little over a week before JD got sick, we were heading to one of the local stores. I noticed a woman and her service dog from a distance. She was standing near the doors to go in. I crossed the parking lot thinking of how best to explain to the kids about this. I spent a lot of time up to this point, explaining that we don't rush dogs, we ask permission to pet and talk, and so forth. But something told me to talk to them a bit more.
So once we crossed over to the sidewalk, to the side of the building. I stopped the 3 of them from going further. I asked if they noticed anything, and JD mentioned the dog wearing a vest. So I got down to their level and explained this dog's importance. I told them that some people have limitations that require them to use the help of others or animals, and that this dog was a service dog. You could tell by the vest. That was to alert people that it was working, and not to approach it. As I don't let them approach other dogs, these dogs are even more important to not disturb. I made it an important conversation, but didn't over do it for the age of the kids. I finished by saying that this was the time where it was important to not ask the owner to pet, but to slowly walk around and get to the door and continue on our day.
So as we headed for the door, the woman stopped us.
"Thank you!"
I was taken aback. She explained that she was very impressed with how I approached the subject, and that she was thankful. Many people don't take the time to explain such things to kids, especially at my little ones ages. She was also impressed at how well they had listened, and how they had done just what I had explained. To give room, and go on, without making eye contact with the dog and make it lose it's focus. It turned out that the dog was actually in training still. So she asked the kids, as long as I was ok, to come on over and see the dog. She explained that something had happened to here to make it harder to use her legs and to constantly get up and get things. So the dog was being trained for support and for getting items she might need of shelves. The kids learned a lot that day, and I saw JD take it all in.
Now as we are looking and reaching out to figure out what is best in terms of a Service Dog for JD, that interaction stands out. It was a very important event in our timeline, that at the time seemed so trivial. I thought I was teaching my kids an important lesson on how to accept differences in others, but now they are that step closer to understanding the use of a dog that is now needed.
Simple events that have made such a huge impact, without seeming so big at its time. I know there are many, and when the time is ready, they too will present themselves. Life's lessons are ever ongoing!
